Bad Scary Movies

October: A wonderful month where the weather really begins its dip into cold territory, pumpkins become decoration & food flavor of choice, and Halloween movies run rampant at both the theatres and on cable.

It’s surprisingly chilly and gloomy outside tonight making the inside our little apartment seem all the more cozy. Dinner is cooking in the oven and soon, we will be parked on the couch in front of the TV for one of our Favorite seasonal activities: Bad Scary Movie Nights.

I am self-declared scary movie junkie. And it’s not like I think I’m all tough and don’t get scared, because I do. Like cover my eyes, have nightmares scared. I love it. Luckily, my masochistic tendencies are embraced by J who will not only happily watch them with me, but is eager to partake in the hunt of the worst scary movie of all time with me.

There are 3 types of scary movies: Scary scary movies, gore-centric not so scary scary movies, and bad scary movies. I try not to divulge too deep into character analysis and plot summaries with scary movies because they are, in their most basic form, simply there for my entertainment. That, and I don’t want to be like that guy from Scream who “knows  everything about scary movies” and then dies in the sequel like a predictable loser.

You want examples? You got ’em:

Scary, scary movies

These are typically the ones that are or pretend to be “based on true stories” which instantly make them scarier because they could actually happen to you. These include, The Strangers (hands down, the scariest movie I’ve ever seen), Paranormal Activity (F that crap), Wrong Turn (I’m a firm believer of in-bred mutant mountain men – I am in the South after all) , and my most recent inclusion, Frozen (accidentally left stranded on a ski lift for days seems probable to me)

Gore-Centric Scary Movies

You watch these films strictly for the entertainment factor. Sure they have some scary elements, but the real viewing pleasure lies in watching the creative ways people die. The Final Destination franchise is a perfect example of this – although that plane crash sequence in the first film is quite literally unforgettable, especially when I’m about to get on a plane…

Bad Scary Movies

These films have what all bad films have – terrible acting, predictable plot lines, and laughable special effects but with addition of a scare factor. These movies are so bad, they borderline satire, and I love them. Kind of like a Lifetime movie but with more pizzazz. Top choices include Spring Break: Shark Attack (“This year, Spring Break really bites”), Piranha 3D AND it’s far worse predecessor Piranha 3DD (“Twice the terror, double the D’s” and David Hasselhoff is involved, I’ll leave it at that), My Bloody Valentine (“Get your heart broken”), and Chain Letter.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not aiming to make fun of the genre here – Hitchcock, Wes Craven, John Carpenter, they knew what they were doing. But scary movies are my October drug of choice and if you happen to be bored this week, or any of the following, head over to your local Red Box, scroll through until you find the most poorly named horror film you can find (I’ve actually seen Peter Rottentail before – I shit you not) and watch it. There’s something therapeutic about being able to laugh in the face of something scary.

Tonight’s hopeful pick: Cabin in the Woods. I’ll keep you posted. And, if you have any recommendations, please let me know. I’m always on the hunt!

Have  BOOtiful day 🙂

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3 thoughts on “Bad Scary Movies

  1. HA…amazingness…I am not a scary movie person but I may have to watch some of these. I am testing my “scary” limits right now by watching The Walking Dead on AMC, it is a Zombie apocalypse show (it may have started the whole zombie thing, who knows, who cares). It is from AMC so obviously it focuses more on the characters development and presses the viewer to examine their own morality much in the way Mad Men /Breaking Bad do. There is tons of gore and horror film style scare tactics, you know, the kind where you are watching and talking to the TV, “get the fuck out of there you idiot!” only to be shocked that they didn’t get killed but then they get theirs in the most unsuspecting way the next episode. Anyway, you may already watch it but if not, get on it! They have the first two seasons on Netflix via instant watch and then the new season starts this weekend!

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